Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Mr. Dave is No Longer a Bologna Virgin

Recently I did a post about consuming my first Big Mac. This made me think that there are many shockingly common foods that I have managed to avoid consuming for nigh 30 years, one of them being bologna. My parents really never bought it. I decided to take the plunge by whipping up an Oscar Meyer beef bologna sandwich. Frankly, the stuff skeeves me and I don't think that I could stomach it cold, so I am going with a fried bologna sarnie.

Upon opening the package I smelled a definitive hot dog-esque stench. This made sense as the pinkish slices kind of look like they were carved off of a giant hot dog.

I threw the slices in a pan and began to fry.

Notice how the slices domed up a little, they looked kind of like little bologna boobs. I attribute this to the high water content of the bologna creating a large amount of steam. Adding water is a good way to up the weight without actually using meat. Eventually the slices deflated and began to fry a little.

I was a little unsettled by the appearance of the cooking bologna, it somehow sort of looked like cooking pieces of human flesh. Shudder. But I persevered. Onto a hard roll went the slices.

Here is the proof that I actually consumed the sarnie. Notice the bologna grease on the plate.

Lets just say this was probably my first, and final bologna sandwich. It tastes like cheap hot dog, and if I want cheap hot dog I will eat a cheap hot dog. Something about the mushy texture grossed me out a little too. Also, it was over sweet. Corn syrup is the second or third ingredient and there was a lot of blackened sugar left in the pan after frying. I can't imagine eating these daily for lunch as many of my compatriots seem to have done. I will take peanut butter any day.

Well that was that. Next I am contemplating eating a banana. That's right folks, I have never eaten a banana. The smell grosses me out. My sister used to chase me around with a banana peel because she knew I hated them so much.
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