Thursday, April 14, 2011

Tilt, A Premium Malt Beverage. Oh, The Things I Do in the Name of Science...

Has anyone else seen this Tilt stuff around? I spied the garish red can (the design reminds me of an Ed Hardy T-shirt, I hate this trend) at the Hess station in Slingerlands. If you have been keeping up with my posts, then you will know that I have something of a morbid fascination with the ever growing pantheon of brightly colored family of "alcopop" type malt beverages. You can read all about my Four Loko Pickle experiment should you feel like gagging a little.

Anyhow, the issue of "alcopop" is fairly topical right now as the NY legislator is currently attempting to ban the sale of high alcohol malt beverages in gas stations/beer distributors and confine their sale to liquor stores. The high alcohol content is actually what grabbed my attention when I spied the can of Tilt. Look at this folks, this bad boy has a shockingly high alcohol content of 12%!

Given that a normal American style lager (Bud, Miller, etc...) is usually somewhere in the 3-6% neighborhood, Tilt packs a serious wallop of alcohol. All served up in a 24 ounce oversized can, and for cheap! I think the thing was about 2 bucks. Now look folks, I am certainly not a proponent of legislating peoples personal lives, but something about this product struck me as a little sinister. I will explain in a moment. I also found it interesting that the actual maker of this stuff, Anheuser Busch, seems a little embarrassed to produce this swill. The only place you can find their name is in very small print on the side of the can.

I felt compelled to purchase one of these and imbibe as a sort of public service. I am genuinely concerned about the effects that a can of this stuff might have on an individual of less hearty stock than ol' Mr. Dave. Just 1 can of Tilt is the equivalent of drinking about 6 cans of lager! I will start this off by stating that I am a strapping male, over 6 feet tall and no wilting lily by anyone's estimation. I am a moderate drinker and usually favor good beer with perhaps a drop or two of the good stuff on occasion.

Hesitantly, I cracked open the can of Tilt and poured it into a pint glass.

The liquid was a bright red, with a boozy and sweet aroma. I found the bright pink, 2 inch head of foam to be a little off putting but I persevered. There was a sweet, boozy, vaguely funky aroma to the Tilt, sort of like that skunky tang you get off of really cheap bear like Natty Ice or something of that ilk. Girding my loins, I went in for a sip. The flavor is shockingly Hawaiian Punch-esque, only with an assertive alcohol burn on the way down. Thoroughly disgusting, and I almost called the project quits right there. However, my scientific curiosity spurred me on and I continued.

After struggling through the first pint of tilt over the course of perhaps 15 minutes, I was already feeling the effects of alcohol. I was honestly surprised at how quickly the 12% alcohol brew had started to affect me. Downing the remaining balance over the course of a further 10 minutes, I stopped to ruminate on my state of intoxication. I would feel comfortable saying that after imbibing this one beverage unit, I was intoxicated. I.e., there is no way that I would operate a motor vehicle, and frankly, were I to have another can of this stuff I would have been three sheets to the wind.

So let us summarize; tall and strapping Mr. Dave is laid low by one can of fruity malt beverage. I would say that the "6 pack in a can" analogy concerning the Tilt is very apt. After 1 beverage unit, I was approaching hammered. Now let us ask the question of what happens to a 16 year old female, maybe 5'2" and a 115 pounds for instance who gets ahold of this product? She is probably approaching blackout drunk after consuming 1 freaking can. I think a lot of people try to self estimate their level of drunkenness by keeping count of how many "units" (cans/bottles/glasses/shots) of alcoholic beverage they have consumed. Throw that logic out the window with Tilt, should you drink your usual "2 or 3" units of this stuff, you are going to be in for a very big surprise...

Maybe putting this stuff in the liquor store is not such a bad idea. What say you?

P.S. I am getting in to the Twitter, so follow me at RidiculousFood or I will be sad and lonely. You don't want that, do you?
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