Friday, January 27, 2012

Gas Station Hot Dog Roller Thingies: French Toast & Sauasage

The wonders of the world of gas station cuisine are mysterious and unending. In the past, together we have studied the Corn Dough Dog, the Oatmeal Machine (part 1 and part 2), the Buffalo Chicken Cheese Dog, and the Cheese Burger Tube (perhaps I am forgetting something? Don' know...).

Today I stumbled on another tubular wonder of modern hot dog roller food production, the "French Toast & Sausage Tornado." Oh the things my second life as a commentator on the ridiculous food of this sad, strange world does to my poor gullet and gastrointestinal tract. But I suffer grimly, and uncomplainingly, for Science!

Before we get to the slowly spinning cylinder of my self loathing, let us study another wonder of the modern gas station. I had not seen this before. We find this example at the Cumberland farms on Route 4 in Troy. They have a veritable wall of beverage dispensers (coffee, slushies, soda, etc...). Something on the fountain soda machine caught my eye. You can't see it very well, but betwixt the soda buttons are wee "flavor shot" buttons. You have vanilla, lemon, lime, and cherry to add to your soda. Ever thought, "hrm, I think a vanilla/cherry diet Mountain Dew would hit the spot..." Well, now you can make that a sweet, sweet (artificially so) reality. I will have to admit that I gave a vanilla diet Mountain Dew a whirl.

Here we have our main subject of study. The outer wrapping is something like a sweet maple tortilla and the middle is your standard (albeit, surprisingly spicy) fast food sausage gunk. The overall flavor is laced with the expected corn syrup/fake maple cloying sweety tones. Thoroughly disgusting, yet I can see the intended allure. Crisp/fatty/sweet/savory is a recipe calculated to inspire food lust in the human mind. Plus, there is just something hypnotic about watching the glisten-y things slowly turning on the hot dog roller.

Maybe one day I will stop inflicting my (many) strange culinary fascinations on the internet at large, but today will not be the day. I will continue to sacrifice my intestinal calm to bring to you the very latest on the technology of gas station pseudo-food, lest you have to do this important work on your own.


  1. That Cumberland Farms is the best because they have the milkshake shake machine. I love that thing and it will make me fat.

  2. Thank you Mr. Dave for eating the Upstate foods my colon will just not allow!

  3. Oh... the "french toast" and "sausage" thing: you can keep.

    The sodas with flavor shots? I WANT. I worked in an ice cream parlour when I was in high school, and remember adding flavorings to various drinks.

    (Cherry Vanilla Diet Pepsi? HECK YEAH!)

  4. I am often tempted by these things but do not want to risk a day on the bathroom floor. Your reports are much appreciated.

    1. Don't be pathetic. As long as its heated to the proper temperature roller items are not going to make you sick. As for unhealthy, what do you expect.

  5. i gotta say, any tubular food-like item should be eaten at least once. tubular food is awesome (see: hot dog/corn dog, taquito, burrito, churro, etc.).


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