Friday, December 13, 2013

You Got Chardonnay-ed.

Last night I was reminded (on the Twitters) by a friend of an old gag I used to love to play on folks back in my barfly days. I hardly, if ever, get out to the area drinking establishments anymore due to my munchkin tending duties at home. So I thought I would share my little gag here as the world needs nothing if not a source of mirth or two more.

It involves a drinkable so it is not too out of place here among my food oriented scribblings... I call it "Chardonnay-ing" people. If it happens to you then you got -- "Chardonnay-ed."

This joke won't really work at a wine-bar and is best reserved for when you are imbibing at your favorite dive bar. I hate to assign gender roles to beverages, but this is probably best inflicted on a guy rather than on a girl. It is a very simple joke really.

All that you do is head to the opposite end of the bar from your victim and send them a glass of Chardonnay (stemware is necessary, ice cubes enhance the humor). Hopefully you know the bartender a little so he/she can make a big production of throwing down a napkin in front of the unsuspecting patsy while proclaiming, "here you go, one Chardonnay on the rocks."

The reason I enjoy this seemingly not that funny gag is because when you think about it for a bit, it is really pretty logically perfect. I don't remember my philosophy 101 but I am sure someone out there could set it up with the symbols and what not... But let us assume the condition that your friends obey the social convention wherein if someone buys you a drink then you accept it graciously and drink it whether or not it is your favored tipple. That is how I was raised at least.

Anyhow, if you are Chardonnayed and you refuse the drink, then you look like an idiot for being rude. Likewise, if you are Chardonnayed and you graciously accept the drink, then you also look like an idiot because you are walking around a dive bar with a glass of Chardonnay on the rocks which is really very funny.

That is it. Go fourth upon the earth and Chardonnay your friends.


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