Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Nothing Says Valentine's Day Like A Meat Heart

I think I have actually joked about making meat hearts once or twice before... But guess what? ShopRite (Slingerlands) has went ahead and made my jesting a reality. In three different meats no less! Usually I have to find my strange and wonderful grocery store items over at P-Chopistan (Price Chopper) so I was glad to see a little slice of weirdness at ShopRite too.

Lamb, beef, and chicken breast hearts. The steak one in its own little heart shaped box is my favorite. My wife would wretch if I gave this to her, but you know what? Steaks are actually a pretty thoughtful gift to give to a guy like me... So I guess this concept isn't entirely strange and misguided. It is only partially strange and misguided.

Monday, February 11, 2013

The Piss Beers of Upstate New York: Part 5, Stewart's Mountain Brew Ice

Piss Beers, Part 1 - Genny Lager
Piss Beers, Part 2 - Uncle Charley (Utica Club)
Piss Beers, Part 3 - Genny Bock
Piss Beers, Part 4 - 12 Horse Ale

OK, I have been holding off on this review for quite a while for various reasons. I gave Mountain Brew  Beer Ice (available at Stewart's Shops) a quick mention within the first installment of Piss Beers (linked above) and I meant to do a write up soon after. But the whole Mountain Brew phenomena kind of became a "thing" locally and everyone was writing about the stuff. I thought I would give the issue some time and breathing room until such time that the post-flurry died down and I could do an honest review removed from the spontaneous celebration of the brew's kitsch factor. So here it is.

If you are new to my blog (doubtful, this is the blog equivalent of a smelly, old man, day-drunk, dive bar. Most are regulars.) then I should warn you that I am something of a fan of Stewart's shops. You can browse through the innumerable posts that I have penned on the subject here. So when I first spied the silvery shimmer of a case of Mountain Brew Beer (Ice) I was as giddy as a school girl.

So much to love. Just look at that can? Has there ever been a more wonderful can? It was as if all of the wonderful design features of all of the signage that I have documented in my galleries had been distilled down into the form of the Mountain Brew can. The plain silver bad boy with its shoddy calligraphy, limited color palate, and inexplicable stylized sports figures, what is not to love? Gilding the lily is the glorious tag line, "A Very Cool Brew." You had me at the silver can Stewart's.

Mountain brew can be purchased by the can at the lordly price of 75 cents.

Or by the case (cardboard) for a pittance. 10.99$ for 24 cans of the Brew of the Mountains (Ice)? Can you live at that speed?

In any event, I think I am mostly in love with the Mountain Brew beer as an objet d'art rather than as an actual consumable beer... But I guess I should review the stuff in its own right.

There isn't really much to say about Mountain Brew Beer (Ice). A good analogy would be that Mountain Brew is to Genesee Lager as Busch is to Budweiser. It tastes like any other mass market "Ice" or other cut rate American lager. It is similar in flavor and body to Natty Ice, the Beast of Milwaukee or any of the other usual suspects. Mountain Brew pours a light amber with a decent head. It smells vaguely of socks and the flavor is a bit funky with virtually no hints of hops. Drank at any temperature other than ice cold and it is a thin and insipid brew. It isn't by any means awful, but I wouldn't be drinking it at room temperature unless you have more hair on your down-low then I do.

But guess what folks? Get those silver bad boys goddamn ice-ass cold and you can slam these suckers like water. You can't beat the price with a stick and several cases of Mountain Brew is the flippin' perfect thing for a hot-ass day in August when you feel like getting shitty drunk with the boy-os on the cheap. Strolling by the lake with a half drunk six pack of these hanging from your belt (the sixers come with a six pack ring) on a hot day with your sweety sounds to me to be about as good as it gets. Go ahead and see if I am wrong...

So the verdict is - I love the can, drunk ice-ass cold the stuff is not half bad, and you can't beat the price. Stewart's Shops Mountain Brew Beer (ice) is a success in my book and I will punch you in the eye if you say any different.

You  know what would be better than a can of Mountain Brew Beer? A tall boy can of Stewart's Mountain Brew, that is what. You can have that idea Stewart's, you can take it to the bank. Trust ol' Mr. Dave, he wouldn't steer you wrong. 

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