Saturday, January 28, 2017

Grand Mac Facts

Did you know that I was a Big Mac virgin until 2009? Well, I was. You can read about that here. In the intervening years I've had perhaps one or two more. That is all to say that I am no especial Big Mac fan.

But there is unholy power in McD's advertising. For reasons unknown to me the minute I saw a "Grand Mac" advert I began to ache for the thing. Today I went and got one.

"Size up your hunger" is the tagline for the new breed of Macs. McDs also now has a wee 'un-Mac in addition to the Grand. I picture hungry fellars pondering how many Mac-units they can pound into their gut.

Something I found mildly infuriating about the Grand Mac picture was the two slices of cheese on the bottom half. The Grand Mac was obviously designed by deviant minds with no sense of balance! I suppose this does maintain the essential Big Mac-iness of the thing as the traditional Mac has the one slice of cheese on the bottom.

The above grease spattered cardboard box is what I received in exchange for my five-fitty American. Where are the pictures and witty quips that you usually find on McDonald's packaging? I don't know, do you know?

Cracking the box open, I'll have to admit the thing looked fairly picturesque. As is per usual with the family of Mac hamburger sandwiches, your nostrils are assaulted by the tang of pickles and special sauce.

I did a bit of an autopsy on the Grand Mac. I noted an aggressive amount of special sauce. I have found the Big Macs I've had in the past a bit lacking in this department, always a bit dry.

Grand Mac après-bites. After the third bite I began to have trouble handling the thing. My thumb pierced the bottom bun and entered the moist center of the sammitch. Now, needless to say the sensation of your thumb entering the warm innards of a Grand Mac is a bit unsettling.

At this point the structural integrity of the Grand Mac had faltered to the point where I was in effect holding a handful of special sauce soaked bread and lettuce. I gave up and pitched the thing in the trash. My hand still smells like Mac-sauce at the time of this writing.

The thing tastes like a big Big Mac. I don't know what else to say.

I no longer ache for the Grand Mac.
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